Lawyers are like a box of chocolates

So, I was chatting with Dad (a lawyer) tonight about the perils of trying to find a good lawyer if you aren't related to one or friends with one. If you just look in the yellow pages, you can't tell if someone's a good lawyer or one with $$ in his eyes. I said, they all look the same. From the outside you can't tell if they're full of luscious caramel or gooey green stuff - not until you bite into it, and then it's too late.

If only you could buy a box with only caramel-filled chocolates (like my dad!) to choose from!

Music Therapy

I've been feeling really down the last two days, but the last two evenings I've felt wonderful. It's the music! Last night was opera workshop night in Loveland, and tonight was Clare Choir rehearsal. I was so down when I left for choir, I couldn't even eat dinner. By the time it was over, I was bubbling over with energy. I felt great. Similar situation last night. Even prescription drugs aren't that good!

"God is never a god of hopelessness..."

I've been writing more in my hardcopy journal lately than my blog. I seem to go in spurts from one to the other. But lately I just haven't felt much that I thought appropriate to share with the world.

There's so much to mourn in Mom's situation. Suffice it to say that there's a lot more involved in that situation than I've felt at liberty to share online. But so many memories for her...19 years of good memories are suddenly painful. And decades of future plans are gone. There are wounds that will never go away. And the future is now naked, appearing as it always has been, entirely uncertain. I admire her so much for having the courage to get out of bed in the morning. It's so overwhelming.

I've decided I'm in mourning. Other than the physical tension that's made singing almost impossible recently, I think I seem pretty normal on the outside, and I usually feel pretty normal. But when I'm alone, I feel the darkness and churning inside. It's like all the emotion is staying beneath the surface. I'm aware of it and I acknowledge it, but I can't seem to tap into it and bring it to the surface except rarely. Maybe I feel unworthy of feeling the emotions because they are so much more acute for Mom and she is being so strong, even though she's broken.

Last night, I was reading a short devotional before bed. Lyn Klug wrote, "God is never a god of hopelessness. Even if God does not change the situation, He can change us."

This applies to so many things in my life right now. Mom's painful journey, Eric's abusive work situation, and other less noteworthy things. And maybe that's the nature of mourning. Giving up what was to accept what is. Giving up past security and situational peace and taking an involuntary leap of faith into God's waiting arms and His unconditional peace. And the growing pains that come from the heat of the Refiner's fire.

Good news!

Thank you for your prayers! My stepmom has a very good prognosis, about 85% chance of "success." She is scheduled for a mastectomy on April 3rd. After that, chemotherapy may or may not be required.

Also, good news, this week I received a letter of acceptance from the Univ. of Northern Colorado for their master of music education program, which I hope to begin in the fall. Now I just need some scholarships! Hopefully I'll hear more about that in a few weeks.

Silence

No news is not always good news. Heck, no news is not always no news!

Let me start by saying, I'm doing pretty well. Our Lord is faithful all the time, and I have experienced His faithfulness enough times in my life that it is not so hard to trust him today. It's just been a rough week.

1. My "little" brother leaves this week for boot camp. He is joining the marines.

2. My mom and stepdad are separating. They've been together for 19 years... 2/3 of my life.

3. My stepmom has been diagnosed with breast cancer. She meets with the surgeon tomorrow to discuss her treatment and prognosis.

4. I thought I was pregnant, but it looks like I probably am not. We're disappointed, but it's ok.

It's all pretty personal stuff, so there's not much more I want to share about any of it. I've been reluctant to mention it, but it's not a secret, it's just personal. Thank you in advance for your prayers for all those involved.

There is one really cool thing I can share, though.... I've been helping my mother go through boxes and I've rediscovered a stack of letters that she and my dad wrote to my grandpa (paternal) when he was in Nepal in 1977-78. He was there representing the United Nations to help Nepal develop a bureau of vital statistics, and during that trip, I was born. It's neat to read about my parents lives when they were my age - just before and after the birth of their first child, me. Dad found those letters just before my 21st birthday and I had wondered where I had put them "for safe keeping." Today, in a different box, I found all the letters that grandpa wrote to my parents while he was in Nepal. It's the other half of the puzzle, so to speak. His stack of letters is much longer than theirs, and also covers his second trip in 1978-79. I'm only partly through reading them. It's so fascinating - it's like opening a time capsule. My grandpa passed away when I was only five years old, so I knew him and loved him, but now I can know him in a more grown up way through his letters. Back in time, to a foreign country, with a long lost, beloved grandfather. For a sentimental person like me, it doesn't get any better than this.

My new favorite CD

I was born with a certain way of feeling music - it's a certain intangible, inexplicable way of playing and singing music that has always been a part of me. And last year I discovered the Christian band that feels music the same way I do. And of all their albums that I have, this one does it the best.

"Greatest Hymns" by Selah

Too true!

"I've finally accepted the fact that singing takes ten minutes to explain and ten years to accomplish." -Renee Fleming

"Ellie's passion for excellence is second only to her passion for chocolate."
-Alyssa G.

Review: The Sound of Music

The Sound of Music at Rock Canyon High School - TWO THUMBS UP!!

First, let me just say how thrilled I am that I get to go to the theatre as often as I want for so little $$$ - gotta love high school theatre. I've been to two already this month and have at least two more scheduled for next month in addition to another night with Opera Colorado.

So, I attended this production because a long-time student of mine, Kristina A., was Maria. Notice I didn't just say she "sang" Maria or "played" Maria. She WAS Maria. Her singing was lovely; her acting was natural and believable. Personally, I think she was more believable than the legendary Ms. Andrews. What more could you ask for?

A supporting cast? You got it! Who knew that much talent could attend one high school together? They were wonderful, especially the children. Elsa was perfectly convincing - it was all in the walk. The Mother Abbess has an outstanding voice. And the costumes were to die for! I was thoroughly entertained from beginning to end!

Of course, there are those little things that happen during high school productions... early in Act II, one girl forgot to turn off her wireless microphone when she left the stage, leaving the poor nuns onstage to sing to the accompaniment of, "Oh my gosh, I can't believe she went out with him!"

The truly nostalgic aspect of the evening came when I found myself casting the whole show with people I went to high school with! Ian would have been the Captain, Nicole Nance would have been Elsa. I like to think I would have played Maria, but there was also Marleen. She would have made a more convincing Elsa, but she could have done Maria. I guess that's why we did Hello Dolly instead of The Sound of Music!

Review: Der Rosenkavalier, Act I

With the Loveland Opera Theatre, I am singing the role of the Marschallin in the final scene of Der Rosenkavalier. So, I am borrowing a video of the opera from a friend/colleague of mine and have been watching it when I can find time so I have a better feel for the story and my character. This particluar performance stars soprano legend Elisabeth Schwarzkopf in the role of the Marschallin.

So far, I have only watched Act I. It's peculiar because it really doesn't make a lot of sense - not like most film or TV plots. But it's more like real life, if that makes any sense. Things happen that somehow add to the overall impression of the context, but don't really contribute much to the plot, and a my character's emotions change rapidly without any dramatic motivation. Aren't we real women more like this? Especially during that monthly period of otherwise unexplainable irrational behavior? I've decided that the Marchallin is PMS-ing during Act I.

As far as the performing, I have a really hard time believing the mezzo to be a man. I mean, I've seen believable mezzos in pants roles in other operas, but this one isn't working for me. I think it's because the tessitura of the role and quality of the voice sound so similar to the leading soprano. Unfortunately, it's taking conscious effort to remember that in the story it's a man and a woman kissing, not two sopranos.

Ms. Schwarzkopf is interesting to watch on stage. If you couldn't hear her, you might think she was just speaking her lines. Her mouth looks so natural, not like most singers - particularly sopranos. And her German diction - actually that of all the cast - is so clear that even a non-native speaker like myself can easily understand the text. In fact, after I turned it off, I caught myself speaking to the cats in German.

At any rate, I have two more acts to watch. Hopefully during that time I'll get a glimpse of what Strauss was thinking when he wrote Octavian for a mezzo. We'll see!

Review: The Atonement Child

For the last ten years, Francine Rivers has been my favorite author, hands down. Her books are intriguing and uplifting. The Atonement Child, which I just finished reading last night, is no exception. At the same time, it's the first of her books that I wouldn't automatically recommend to any and everyone I know.

The subject of abortion is a touchy and emotional one, and while Ms. Rivers is not unneccessarily graphic, she is brutally honest. I think it is in most ways very realistic, and she definitely did her research. Other than speakers at Alternatives Walk meetings, I've never known anyone who had or considered having an abortion - at least not that I was aware of, so I consider myself pretty far removed from the real issue. This book gave me a better sense of perspective regarding all parties involved and affected. It's a page-turner, so if you think you can handle it, read it. (And all of her other books!)

The last two years I have walked in the Alternatives Walk in Denver which raises money and awareness for Alternatives Pregnancy Center. Their mission is to provide alternative solutions to abortion for women in crisis pregnancies. For more information, visit their website: http://www.apcdenver.org/

Denver Lyric Opera Guild Voice Competition

How did I do? Definitely not a one-word answer. I'll start with the bad so that I can end with the good.

Bad: My first high Bb was pretty darn good, but the second one lacked some in velocity. I also ran short of air at the end of two phrases resulting in a tighter sound.

Good: I felt mostly relaxed and consistent in my delivery with a song I've sung countless times, including several times in performance. I felt it was the best acting I've done competitively.

Bad: They didn't ask me for a second selection. Of those I was privleged to hear, they asked for two selections from the better ones.

Good: I received unsolicited compliments from a couple of audience members when I sat in the house an hour later to listen to some friends sing.

Bad: I found my teacher right afterward. She talked about tongue tension and said that my tone was darker than usual and the diction not clear enough.

Good: She said that she thought the audience liked me. She said she thought the audience felt the character's emotions. Juliana Bishop Hoch, founder and director of the Loveland Opera Theatre stresses that we must know what we want the audience to FEEL. My teacher had no idea that I went onstage with that concept in mind. It would seem I accomplished at least one of my goals.


The good and bad sides tend to balance each other out leaving me with a net reaction that's very middle-of-the-road. I'm pleased that I did better than I have done before in competition, but not my absolute best, and probably not well enough to advance to the finals next week.

I should mention that my husband has been extremely supportive of me, and his encouragement helped make the whole thing a positive experience for me. Thank you, Eric!

Savvily serving the Lord

So, I get these things in the mail from different charities asking for money. Who doesn't? And some of them look like causes I would really be interested in helping. But how do I know the charity is legitimate? And how much of my donation goes to those they serve versus administrative expenses, etc.? So, I got on the internet (of course!) and found this awesome website called Charity Navigator. They've evaluated the financial health of almost every charity out there and you can compare charities, etc. What an awesome resource for the giver who wants to give intelligently! Check them out at http://www.charitynavigator.org/.

I guess while I'm at it, I should mention one of my favorite charities. Actually, it's kind of a group of charities that began with The Hunger Site in 2001. The nifty bit about these charities is that I can donate every day without paying a cent. I just click on the button on the website once a day, and advertisers listed on the resulting page pay a certain amount for each unique visit each day. The hungry get fed and the advertisers get exposure - it's a win-win situation! Check them out at:

http://www.thehungersite.com
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com
http://www.thechildhealthsite.com
http://www.therainforestsite.com
http://www.theliteracysite.com