Perception vs. Reality

I am supposed to sing a Cole Porter song for Loveland Opera Theatre's fundraising gala in October. I mentioned this to my teacher, and her response was, "have you ever even sung in a musical or pop music before?" When I replied that I had done quite a bit of it, in fact, she said she was surprised - she said, "I can't quite match it to your personality; it is more a matter of personality than of voice." This reminded me of a friend saying recently that his first impression of me was that I was uptight and goody-two-shoes. This isn't a first. It's not that there's necessarily anything wrong with that per se, but I believe that I am much more complex than that.

When I am pouring my heart into a jazz ballad and feeling it very deeply and feeling expressive, I always think that if anyone were listening, they would have to feel it as deeply as I do, so it really makes me stop in my tracks to know that someone who's known me this long can't even imagine me singing like that, let alone singing like that well. I feel pigeonholed.

I realize that other people don't perceive me the way I perceive myself, but I don't like not knowing how I am perceived. There's got to be more to this "goody-two-shoes," "strictly-classical-music" perception than just a Christian label, but I don't know what it is.

The good news is that I think those who know me well see a lot more than that, but one never really knows how much more. The frustrating thing is, I like me the way I see me. What if I looked at myself through the eyes of others and didn't like the me they see?

The first sign of summer

For kids, summer begins when school gets out. As adults, we use other events to signal the start of summer. I have two, and the first of those two events was this evening: the Musicians of St. Clare's spring concert, which concludes our season. Now, instead of choir practice on Tuesday nights, I will be teaching my summer master class with Allison in Golden for 6 weeks before I embark on my summer travels to Nashville and Pataskala.

The 2nd of my summer milestones is the my studio recital, after which I shift to a summer teaching schedule, which is lighter overall, and generally fewer days of the week. Ordinarily, I do most of my teaching from 3-6 PM - the hours between school letting out and Eric getting home - but in the summer, the kids have more flexible schedules so I can get them all into three days instead of five. This milestone is three weeks out yet.

Nostalgia and a small world

So, based on my last posting, you can imagine I am feeling nostaligic about my children's choir days. So, I decided to look them up on the web. I had heard that a handful of years ago the children's choir split from the symphony and became an independent organization, the Columbus Childrens Choir. It has grown from the one choir it was in my days to NINE choirs. They are still under the direction of Dr. Sandra Mathias, who conducted my first audition and was the only director the CSOCC ever had.

Even cooler, the CCC website has an alumni section where they list what the alums are up to. I have, of course, just submitted my info. In the meanwhile, however, I found the names of dozens of people I remember. Of course, in my memory, they are all still 8 to 13 years old, so reading about their accomplishments is mind-boggling. One of my fellow charter members, David Ayers, played Fiyero in Wicked on Broadway!

But it gets weirder... in Googling David to find out what he's up to, I found that he is co-founder of Broadway in Boulder....he freakin' lives in Colorado now! I think I will try to call him tomorrow and see if he remembers me. He used to sit right behind me, and I've never been a wallflower, right?

A personal loss

According to the Columbus Dispatch, the Columbus Symphony may be closing its doors:
http://www.columbusdispatch.com/live/content/local_news/stories/2008/05/08/picnic.html

The article begins:

- - - - - -

"After 57 years of music making, including a triumphant concert in New York's Carnegie Hall, the Columbus Symphony says it will shut down June 1.

Out of money and having failed to reach a new labor agreement with the musicians, the orchestra's board of trustees said today that it is canceling the summer Picnic With the Pops and Popcorn Pops series and most likely its 2008-09 season, scheduled to begin in October.

Columbus would become one of the nation's largest cities without a full-time professional orchestra."

- - - - - - -

Now, why does a Denver soprano care what happens to the Columbus Symphony? Flashback 20 years to a 10-year-old piano student in Grandview Heights, a suburb of Columbus. Her piano teacher hears that the Columbus Symphony Orchestra is creating a children's chorus and suggests that the young girl audition for it. The girl does (along with 500 other children) and becomes one of the 75 charter members of the Columbus Symphony Orchestra Children's Chorus. During the three years she sang with this first-rate ensemble, as she performed with the symphony orchestra and a handful of renowned conductors, she gained an appreciation for classical music, learned how to sing "correctly," and learned how to sightsing.

Minus the experiences she acquired in the CSOCC, odds are 50 to 1 she would not have majored in music and would therefore not be a music teacher and performing musician today. Anyone who knows me would consider music an integral part of my spirit - it's part of who I am - I am not ME without it. It should now be easy to see why the potential demise of the CSO is a great personal loss for me.

And it was only a couple of weeks ago, I was recalling these 20-year-old memories with the CSOCC here in my blog in response to similar new experiences. Remember?

I really hope the managers and musicians are able to reach a suitable agreement.

"Brand New Song"

Someone I love very much emailed today that he/she is feeling depressed (for reasons I can easily see) and said that this song has been resonating with him/her this week. It's a beautiful song in any context, but in this context, it's absolutely heartbreaking.

"Brand New Day" - Gaither Vocal Band
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3FtwK-xidc

(No, it's not my husband.)

Out of touch

I went shopping today. I hate shopping. As such, it had been ages since I was last at a mall for anything but lunch after church. I was disappointed to find that there is very little for sale at the mall that I would consent to be seen wearing. I did come home with a couple of cute new outfits, but the overall experience was depressing. I just stared around with wide eyes wondering at what point I became so out of touch with "the times." I mean, I literally felt like I had just stepped out of a time machine into the future.

I went in to 5-7-9.... this was my absolute favorite clothes shop when I was in Jr. High. It's a totally different store now. They didn't grow up with me, I guess. I got older and a new generation of youth filled my shoes, and the store adapted to meet their demands. I mean, the stuff they sell now fits a culture that is totally foreign to me! Even the stuff at the major department stores seemed weird to me. But 5-7-9 was the biggest shock/reality check.

I was also very bothered today by the aloof attitude of people in general. It's like people go out of their way not to make eye contact with you so they don't feel compelled to smile, say hello, or in any other way acknowledge your existence.

Apparently, I am old-fashioned.