Perception vs. Reality
I am supposed to sing a Cole Porter song for Loveland Opera Theatre's fundraising gala in October. I mentioned this to my teacher, and her response was, "have you ever even sung in a musical or pop music before?" When I replied that I had done quite a bit of it, in fact, she said she was surprised - she said, "I can't quite match it to your personality; it is more a matter of personality than of voice." This reminded me of a friend saying recently that his first impression of me was that I was uptight and goody-two-shoes. This isn't a first. It's not that there's necessarily anything wrong with that per se, but I believe that I am much more complex than that.
When I am pouring my heart into a jazz ballad and feeling it very deeply and feeling expressive, I always think that if anyone were listening, they would have to feel it as deeply as I do, so it really makes me stop in my tracks to know that someone who's known me this long can't even imagine me singing like that, let alone singing like that well. I feel pigeonholed.
I realize that other people don't perceive me the way I perceive myself, but I don't like not knowing how I am perceived. There's got to be more to this "goody-two-shoes," "strictly-classical-music" perception than just a Christian label, but I don't know what it is.
The good news is that I think those who know me well see a lot more than that, but one never really knows how much more. The frustrating thing is, I like me the way I see me. What if I looked at myself through the eyes of others and didn't like the me they see?
When I am pouring my heart into a jazz ballad and feeling it very deeply and feeling expressive, I always think that if anyone were listening, they would have to feel it as deeply as I do, so it really makes me stop in my tracks to know that someone who's known me this long can't even imagine me singing like that, let alone singing like that well. I feel pigeonholed.
I realize that other people don't perceive me the way I perceive myself, but I don't like not knowing how I am perceived. There's got to be more to this "goody-two-shoes," "strictly-classical-music" perception than just a Christian label, but I don't know what it is.
The good news is that I think those who know me well see a lot more than that, but one never really knows how much more. The frustrating thing is, I like me the way I see me. What if I looked at myself through the eyes of others and didn't like the me they see?
Labels: voice lessons
posted by DenverSop @ 10:38 PM
4 Comments:
At 5/27/2008 7:19 AM,
Anonymous said…
Yes, it was my first impression. But I got over it. And yes, it was because of the Christian thing. Sorry. Most Christians I know are uptight and are rather lacking in a sense of humor about most things. They hide away from life. At least that is what I have seen.
You, however, aren't like that. If you were, we wouldn't be friends now.
I have gotten to know you and I know that you have depths and complexities. I get the feeling I haven't even started plumbing those depths.
If you didn't think you had the experiences in life to sing a song, you wouldn't sing it. I will have to hear you sing the Cole Porter. I am sure you'll be wonderful.
~BPP
At 5/27/2008 8:10 AM,
Anonymous said…
I get that a lot too. Always have, actually. Growing up, we both learned the advantages of being thought of as "the good kid"; it meant we could get away with mischief more easily (remember "Us"?). So I think we tend to continue the same way, even subconsciously. I still get people gasping in surprise if I say a four-letter word--even if they've heard me say it before, they forget.
I don't think it's possible to fully see another person the way they see themselves, though it is something that I think one should strive for. At the same time, surprising people can be a good thing. And every now and then, you even surprise yourself.
Knock their socks off!
At 5/28/2008 2:51 PM,
Ward said…
Having seen you do Gilbert and Sullivan and heard the infamous "Java Jive", of course Cole Porter does not surprise. Perhaps you should be lead singer for a Big Band?
One of my favorite CDs is "Oscar Peterson plays Cole Porter". It's fantastic!
At 5/30/2008 8:58 AM,
Anonymous said…
I thought about sending this comment by a private email as, without this cumbersome disclaimer for others' benefit, incorrect meanings could easily be read into this married man's words to a married woman. I think these words ultimately belong here, though, for the possible furthering of discussion.
I don't know why someone who is forwardly Christian is automatically seen in the straight-laced, goody-two-shoes way, but the stereotype does exist. I think that's likely the root of the perception; I can't think of anything beyond it. I can think of times when I've had the same concern about myself.
Some of the most fun-loving, expressive people I know are forwardly Christian. It almost goes without saying that you're among those people. Referencing your last paragraph, I certainly like what I see of you, and I'm sure you would like the person you'd see through my eyes if you were able to do what you've described. From my eyes, DenverSop should find herself to be one remarkable lady.
This faith-prompted false perception and plenty of others are going to exist. Be confident of your own image. If there's something not right about it, you have plenty of friends who will tell you. (Come to think of it, I guess I'm telling you right now!) Search and be in touch with your own soul, too, but, at the end of the day, be confident and joyous that being justified and forgiven in God's eyes is plenty good enough; faith and confidence are pretty close to synonyms, after all. Leaning on this confidence, you won't be unsettled by future experiences like this one. In fact, I bet you can have fun changing someone's mind about yourself next time!
From the standpoint of faith and the greater goal of spreading it (and I'm by no means anything even close to an evangelist, for those of you who don't know me), I think our ability to counter this perception in this way is one of the best and certainly one of the most natural ways of "witnessing" that we have. People tend to start discussions about finding faith or living a holy life when they see that the lives we lead don't fit their molds of us.
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