Perplexed...

Friday afternoon, I was chatting with one of my music education professors in the library. The conversation turned to the subject of comprehensive musicianship and how teachers choose to utilize the limited amount of class time they have with students....that is, on what aspects of music do we focus and for how long? I started talking about an improvisation/composition exercise I used to do with some of my younger piano students called the "Two-Minute Invention." (I say improv/composition as they have the option of planning the invention in advance or making it up on the spot.)

It's difficult to describe the conversation that ensued. The professor kept asking me questions about the activity that could conceivably be interpretted as wanting to better understand my idea, but they really seemed more leading than inquisitive - like he was trying to get me to stumble over a flaw in my thinking. I sensed that he disapproved of the philosophy behind it. On one hand, it is invigorating to be challenged and forced to reevaluate my philosophy, and I benefitted from that aspect of it. On the other hand, I didn't like feeling that I had been judged. I left feeling extremely unsettled about the whole interaction. And then on the other hand (yes, I have three hands...), I didn't like that I cared one way or the other what he thought of the activity or of me as a teacher. After all, the whole conversation began as one about the wide range of philosophical perspectives master teachers take on nearly every facet of educational practice. To have a philosophy is to be at odds with the inevitably-extant opposing philosophy.

Graduation is less than two and a half months away. I am really going to miss grad school. The experience has been so revitalizing for me, but it is unfortunately very expensive and inhibits my participation in many other important areas of my life.