Taking a risk here...

As is absolutely natural, most of my friends are only kind of close, so they only share their happy lives and hide their troubles – or they only share the Readers’ Digest version and only because I ask. When I’m struggling, I find it hard to share my heartache with these friends. More often than not, I have been the same way with them, only sharing the surface stuff, so there’s no real foundation for sharing hardship. I’m afraid they’ll think I’m a basket case.

There are also people who only call you when they are upset about something. They don’t call up just to say hi or go out for sodas. These people are very draining. I get paranoid about becoming this kind of friend. I’m afraid other people will think I’m a basket case.

I know there are at least a dozen of people in my life who would gladly listen to me vent and cry when my world feels topsy-turvy (many of you already have), and they all know I would do the same for them, but when it comes right down to it, I’m still afraid people will think I’m a basket case.

So, I have a new friend who I sincerely hope will always be a close friend, and this person took a huge risk in taking me into confidence without knowing me all that well. I find this person's real-ness so refreshing and calming. Naturally, as soon as I was really upset about something, this was the first person I wanted to talk to. Now, of course, I’m afraid this person is going to think I’m a basket case.

I can’t explain it. There’s this huge tug-of-war between the part of me that thinks I’m just being paranoid and the part that thinks my fears are well-founded. Then there’s the part of me that’s frustrated that I even care what anyone else thinks.

*sigh* Now you all think I’m a basket case, huh?