What I need

I'm getting ready for my last run at the Met competition next Friday. I know I'm not Met material, but I'd like to advance out of the prelims for once. Unfortunately, as much as I might shine on stage in a show, I am not very good at competition. Beyond that, as a singer, I am fully aware that my own insecurities are holding me back more than anything else right now.

As much as I know the judge (last year) who said it was way out of line [if I had known the woman was opera's Simon Cowell, I wouldn't have bothered waiting around for her comments!], I can't shake her accusation that my performance that day was an embarrassment to my education. Except she didn't see it (or say it) as "my performance that day" - she saw it as "me" or "my abilities." My intellect tells me that her comment was based on one of my worst performances and therefore it doesn't really matter, but Satan keeps repeating it to me and it tortures me.

This week, I remembered that the best time in my life as a singer was probably my last year and a half at IU when I studied with Klara Barlow. The woman never succeeded in remembering my name, but she built up the diva in me -- the one my two previous IU teachers had nearly crushed to bits. The confidence she encouraged in me set my voice free and corrected a whole mess of technical problems without her ever having to address them directly.

I'm not looking for someone to tell me I'm awesome just so I feel good - I still need the constructive criticism that is part of taking lessons, but I need more than just technical mentorship.